<<<<<<Vibe; Rudimental; Feel the love>>>>>>
Welcome to my page and first bloggy thingy. AKA a ramble!
I’m super excited to share my world with you all.
This is not only a business page this is my “truth” and my very “authentic self”. I write from my heart and although this leaves me vulnerable I see no other way to communicate with you through the power of word alone. If you were with me in person you would “feel” my truth. Why? Because energy/vibration of a human always tells the truth!
I am professional yes with healthy boundaries, but I walk my talk. I’ve lived through many years of self development to get here today and my main qualification is experience! On many levels. You can read all the books in the world and attend as many courses but ultimately, understanding and experience are the key and a game changer!
So what does living your truth even mean you may ask? It feels strange to even write these words down on a business page I can tell you that much.
I’ve been self employed for 25years working in the health and beauty industry and although I have certainly always been genuine, there was always an over-riding thought of being professional, going with what was on trend, and living by a code of conduct.
I am very old school (core belief Lol so many in this blog) and “being professional” dominated so many of “my choices”, and if I was really honest this did spill over into my personal life. Having to be professional at all times. AKA not living my truth. Got me into alsorts of bother!
Everything had to look and be perfect to the outside world, I had to always be smiling and be seen to do the “right thing” to all, (all that is except myself!) Eventually it all became absolutely exhausting; in fact I kind of just existed within a perfectly created facade that had no soul and few to nil humans that valued me or “seen” me. How could anyone see me, I was hidden behind layers and layers of orchestrated “I am okayness”.
The truth is I was surrounded by people who, although I am very grateful for the lessons they taught me, many situations I “put myself in” and “allowed to continue” did not fill my heart with love, my soul with connection, and in a nut shell I was as probably not their tribe as much as they were not mine.
So why? Why would an intelligent person live that way? Well one, at some point it served me as the façade of perfection and it “felt’ safe, also hid the reality of pain, confusion, rejection, un-confidence, and constantly living in fear that one day the world would see this truth and that may-be just may be the I wasn’t enough.
Eventually I was stuck in a world where I no longer belonged in but the option to face my shadow side was not so appealing either. Obviously very subconscious!
So what did I do? Is this where I give you the magic answer you have long waited for? Nope. Sorry but this is my truth!
I held onto my safe little fake world with my fingertips as long as I could. Yep, tis true. Why? Because I could not see a road to happiness, I could not discuss my truth a single soul ( to be fair I didn’t know what my truth was) as this would be also admitting to myself that I actually was a unhappy little empath (unknown at this point) in a lair of co-dependency and narcissistic energy. Consequently the space i have created is the space I required at this point!
But most of all I was scared that I would never be loved or wanted!!! Until the universe had other plans that was. This is a story for perhaps another time but in a nutshell I started again. Alone, well I had my family and two cats Lol so I wasn’t totally alone. I also had my business, the one thing that was perfect just the way it was. My skills as a lady boss however were to be desired ( that is a whole other chapter)! But my relationship with clients was and still is exceptional, I felt “right” there. Was it because I was an exceptional beauty therapist? No. Its because I genuinely cared about the client as a whole. To this day some clients are so dear to me I consider them family. My boundaries are very different now but back in the day bonds were made, unknowingly by both parties. Perhaps I shall explore this another time.
Over a period of 25 years I have educated myself and been taught by many very wise sages from all over the world, I hungrily looked for something to fill the gap and emptiness I carried.
Then it literally dawned on me, no amount of outwardly perfection would work……. Its starts inside, with self love, self, acceptance and understanding of my “real” wants and desires. And this is where my truth strated to play peekaboo with me.
Did I share this with the world immediately? Nope took about 15 years. Lol true story! Ridiculous ey!!!!!!!
So what is my truth?
My truth is this, I have so much love and compassion in my heart, my empathy is beyond normal and I have a curiosity that would beat most four years olds. And I “see” people in a different way to others.
I am absolutely driven by the knowledge that our thoughts are the corner stone to our feelings and in turn actions/choices. Yes it is this simple….Ish.
I’m now aware of my boundaries, my strengths and where my key areas still need support and work/healing are. This is constant journey for energy workers and coaches as we evolve quicker than our little souls can keep up with. After All if we do not walk our talk how do we expect you to?
I no longer hide my eccentric, bubbly, kind, caring side in fear of being hurt. If I have something nice to say I say it. I am however cautious who I truly connect with as my heart rules my head at times. If Im going to love you and bring you into my circle I want to ensure my wee heart is safe. My boundaries are healthy (some would say guarded. Lol), I just guard my heart until I know she is safe. This is because I have my own back! I am my own best friend. Because self love is essential to knowing your truth!
My truth is I have my own back 100%, I do not have the desire to “appear “perfect but I do have the desire to “be” real and be the best version of me so I can be the version for you!
Part of that real is my standards, values and beliefs.
I have no intention of constantly vocalising my truth BUT I do stand firm in the belief that my truth will never be compromised because of fear, insecurity and that low self-esteem, and what people think of me is there issue and opinion. I can not tell you how much this frees my soul!
I ask myself these simple questions if I am in doubt. What is your truth with love and compassion? What do you want? What do you need? What is fair to all concerned? Vwwwuuuuula. Always works. I don’t always like the answer I want but sometimes the right thing and the easy thing is not the same!
Was this path easy? 100% no!
Did I get things really wrong at times? Yes
Do I continue to make mistakes? Now and then. I see them as lessons!
Is this vulnerable? Yes, in its rawest form!
Was it worth it? YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my friend, yes, yes, yes it certainly was.
Nothing is as painful as living a lie for years.
Explore your own truth sweet soul. Just be prepared for how beautiful it actually is.
What are we doing in this world if we are not fulfilled? For me its about “being better” and not just feeling better, and this takes constant monitoring, self love and patience.
What is your truth? Your real truth?
What is your next right move?
Imperfectly, perfect. AWB